Thursday, June 26, 2008

Lenny and Squiggy say,"Yowser Wowser, hard fists for trilogies!"

Ok, let's talk film. Wow. That blog was en fuego yesterday. It was hot. It was soooo hot, it burned my eyes to read it. It was a wowser. Yes I say wowser. I was pleased with how well written, insightful, and brilliant it was. If you haven't read it please do, as Ferris Bueller says, "it was so choice." Anyway, this is my site and I love to toot my own horn in my site. In person, you know I am subtle. Ok, don't laugh, I am a LITTLE subtle.

So moving along, Slashfilm dot com reports that a Kung Fu Panda is going sequel. This comes with absolutely no shock to anyone. I will even do you one better. Dreamworks is not planning a sequel, they are without a shred of doubt planning a trilogy. It's all about the trilogy these days. Why have one, when you can get two. Peter Jackson started the Hollywood necessity of the trilogy. Lord of the Rings brought the trilogy to iconic status. Now there is no sequel, there is only a trilogy. Trilogies rule. I could care less, they just need to be good.

The third film has usually been subpar in film. Shrek 3 and Spider Man 3 were not as good. But, who cares! If the first two were great, then you can easily skimp on the third film. Why not! Why not save money on the third film and make it worse than the others?! It makes perfect sense! I am glad I just thought of this. Just bare with my sarcasm here for a second, because I am half serious here. If you have a great product like Shrek or Spider man and you get the audience excited about the third film, then serve it up being not as good.

If you as an exec do that. If you make the third film worse than the other two, then you have two things going for you. You have ONE, Instant success. Let's throw Pirates 3 into there too. It wasn't as good either. Yet, it doesn't matter if you have a great third film or not. It's the new Box Office Draw. The third film of the trilogy is the new first film of an all star cast OF a film in the 80's. In Hollywood, I am telling you right now, if you don't already know what color the sky is in Hollwood, the color is trilogy. All about getting to the third film. ALSO, you have something else going on here. Take a look at this amazing right on the money point. If the third film does suck, which they may do intentionally.

You know, I believe they may do this intentionally. WHY? Why would they make the third film subpar intentionally? I am glad you asked. You have to remember these execs are Marketing Majors. They are expert bean counters. They know how to stretch a dollar. So here goes, the Hollywood Trilogy theory. IF, listen now, IF you make the third film subpar, you can make a FOUTH one. Yes! You can tell the audience, well sorry about that crappy third. Sorry about the 350 million dollars it made, just to be not as good as the other two before it, but were are going to give you a forth one! And with this one, well...this film will be the one we intended. This FORTH one is the real third. So give us another 350 million. I mean we have the first two where great. Trust us with a FORTH. Don't believe me? Shrek Goes Forth and Spider Man 4 are in the works.

Hollywood Execs really do plot this. You better believe it. Remember they think we are stupid. Well, I am here to tell you the truth and confirm your feelings about how execs think you are stupid. I am here to tell you that you are not stupid. I am here for you to tell how how little they think of you. I am here to tell you how little they actually care about the film they make.
Anyway, Kung Fu Panda is headed to trilogyville. Don't settle for the sequel talk. It's all about the trilogy, I guarantee it!

And if the film your just had success with can't do a sequel, AKA everyone dies, you do a prequel! A ("let's cash in") Begins! I hope Christin Bale is available. What don't believe me? As I write this, I read that a 300 prequel is in the works and Hellboy 3 is getting ready to fit into Del Toro's hellish schedule. Yes filmFans I am right about this. But, it's really not that hard to think like them. Until Tomorrow, Let's talk film!